Like a Faded Photograph

I have a sense of somehing in my mind. As in my mind, it's like a poem book with a lot of photographs. Sometimes bright, sometimes simple..but something is impressive in each picture.

They might be nature, animals, buildings, or people..
Anything is okay as long as I like.

I saw a book at a store.
The book was actually the thing I draw in my mind.
Impressing photos, honest words of the authors.

I wish if I could take such pictures.
I wish if I could choose words in good manners.
I wish if I could express myself well in those ways.

I yearned for him.
Yearned for his talent, luck and life.

I'm a girl that always wants to be stable.
Everything is half finished, acceptable and dim like blurred inks on the canvas.

I know that I can't get everything.
But I'm not brave even to sacrifice my small colors I've gotten.

Magic Ritual To Kill Someone

There is a very popular magic ritual that is called "丑の刻参り(Ushi no koku Mairi)". It was popular in general around Edo era in Japan. Ushi no Koku is time from 1am to 3 am. Let's say you want to kill someone. You visit the shrine at the Ushi no koku time with holding a straw figure that is likened to the person you want to kill, a gosunkugi(15.15cm length spike) and a hammer.

There are some rules about the clothes as well. You have to wear a white cloth (looks like yukata), wear a trivet on your head upside-down, and put 3 candles on it. You have to wear getas that have only one tooth. You visit the shrine at Ushi no koku for 7 days with this appearance,and nail the straw figure with the spike and hammer on the sacred tree. If you complete these things without being noticed by anyone, your wish will come true; the one you feel bitter dies with pains.

There are some popular shrines about this ritual, like Kifune shrine in Kyoto. It's located in the bottom of Mt.Kifune, and surrounded by a dense cedar forest. It's still gloomy in the daytime and we even feel chill there. When you go into the depth, you'll see a lot of holes of the spikes on a lot of trees. Some of them are even new. It means, some people still do such a thing in the present time; wearing white clothes, putting candles on the head, and nailing a straw figure with a big spike in the darkness..

Envy People That Are Chasing Own Dreams

I met my friends from high school last night. We went to an izakaya restaurant, and I noticed that I saw a guy I knew there. He noticed me as well. It had been a long while since I met him for the last time.

I used to work with him at another izakaya restaurant in my uni days. He is older than me, but was going to school as well, because he kept failing the school year since he was concentrating on the job, and didn't study so much. He was doing his job well, and I respected him in that way, but didn't wanna be like him because I was a person that focus on my school work the most. So, his style was kind a thing that I didn't wanna mimic.

I got a chance to talk to him when my friend was away, and he told me he became independent and was left the business as the branch manager. He was saving up for his dream; making his own restaurant!! His face was brightening up. Even though he is a franchisee now, he is definitely getting close to his dream. I felt my life so boring. Being serious and living ordinary life is not exciting. It's hard to choose between being stable or chasing own dream. I feel I'm one of the person who can't go go through a exciting life with risks but just can live normal uninteresting life. And at the same time, I hate myself saying such a thing since it feels like I'm a person that just complains and never try doing anything.

My Best Trip Ever!

Who expected the trip would be fun that much? Actually, the short trip was my best trip in my life. Our Singaporean friends took care of us very much. It didn't matter I couldn't go somewhere I was planning, it didn't matter I couldn't do something I was thinking about; they were really really small things compared to what we experienced during the trip.

It was a really busy trip as thick as a durian! We didn't expect them come with us whole the days, but they did!!! They came to the hotel to pick us up everyday, and brought us anywhere! I didn't even have to look at my guidebook! All we had to do was just following them and enjoy! It's been just less than two years since I got to know my Singaporean friends, but it felt like we'd known each other for a long while for me. I really do felt calm and enjoyed spending time with them and their family :D

In Singapore, we got the chance to eat their food. They fed us A LOT. I'm sure I gained my weight..:S Their foods were something fresh. I sometimes got shocked since some foods tasted like the taste I never expected. As for me, the greatest things we tried there were frog and durian. They invited us to their mother's day dinner at a sea food restaurant!! I was a little bit sad when I saw frogs being kept outside in a aquarium since I like frogs, but when it came on the dish, there was no way to escape; I ATE IT. It tasted like chicken, but felt a little smoother and had some bones. Actually It was good :D But It was good that the meat didn't have the "frog shape", lol. If it did, I don't think I could eat it. (But it's just because I haven't used to it. I can eat locusts boiled down in soy since I've eaten it when I was little, lol) And about durian...I was scared if it tastes too bad..but it was not bad. But I don't say it was good either..It was a precious experience anyways :P

We really really enjoyed whole the days of the trip. As for me, one of the most enjoyable place was "Night Safari"!! I thought we might not be able to go, but they took us there! It was really enjoyable. I got so excited! The weather at night was so calm..especially when we were on the Tram after walking some while. It was so comfortable, but I didn't think we didn't need walking around there even though it was hot. Both were important for enjoying that place.

I think this writing is really terrible. This is so rambling writing. But I want to say, my sister and me really enjoyed this short trip, and were really happy we had such good friends XD Really thank for our friends and their family. I felt that I was gonna miss them so much at the airport (they even came to the airport to see us off with their parents!!) when I was leaving Singapore since we wouldn't meet next day. However, I really do want to meet them again, hopefully in Japan next time!!

Next time will be our turn to FEED YOU GUYS, Weili and Weisheng :P

Web album: A Trip to Singapore

Heart Broken (4)

The origin of the affair was the event beer hall. It's one of the biggest events that we make in a year and we provide foods, alcohols, and enjoyable time to people that come to cafeteria at through two nights. When the both days events are over, ourselves enjoy time with remaining drink and foods.

I'd made a promise to stay at his apartment since before, because it's gonna be late and I wanted to stay with him. But what he did was making promise with other junior girls a few days before of the event! He is a person that is surrounded by girls at the circle; much more than half of the members were girls, and he was easy to talk to. I blamed him since he did such a thing. As for me, the point was he didn't tell me. He told me he thought it would be okay since they were plural so nothing would happen, and it would be better to enjoy with many people.

I thought why it has to be his apartment since it was obvious it would cause troubles to neighborhood if a lot of people gathered to a small apartment at midnight. He told me about the last train for some people, and mentioned they were poor that they had to go back home earlier than other people. But I doubted it since there were much better places like izakaya or karaoke box that they could stay till next morning. It didn't sound he was more than a lady-killer.

But of course I understand the situation. They have to enjoy out of school in the midnight, and it costs when they go some restaurants or karaokes. so, I wouldn't say no if he told me beforehand. As for me, the part he didn't let me know when he was about to make the promise was much more important. Being with only her boyfriend and being together with a lot isn't the same for girls. He didn't seem he understood it, or he might have tried not to understand it since he just wanted to spend time among a lot of girls.

I told one of the juniors that were coming to his apartment about my feelings. And she said she didn't think that way and they would stop coming. But when he found it out, he got so mad. He blamed me so much. He even said he didn't like me anymore in front of the girl. That was so embarrassing. His feeling wasn't toward to me anymore.

Finally, One Of Us Gonna Get Married

Today I went to meet my friends from high school. They are people of the club I used to belong to. I like them since they are unique and have humour. When I got a email message from my friend, she said "let's gather for thinking of Hideo's virgin", it was a really trashy concept, but I didn't care since I knew it was just a joke.

When everyone came, the friend, who made the meeting told us Hideo was gonna get married. I got really shocked since I didn't expect it. So, it was really the meeting for thinking of his virgin, lol. Although we was making meeting for him, he didn't come. He's in India now because of his work. We didn't even get to call him, but some of us brought his pictures and thought of him. I asked my friend if he was gonna get married with an Indian girl but she told me the person was Japanese.

After the important announcement(?), we told each other about our recent life. Exchanging information is fun. There are always new discoveries at the meeting after long while. What I was shocked was one of my senior got married with an Australian and moved to Australia. I wondered how she caught one, but it was simple; she was working at a private English school. I thought maybe the Australian fell in love with her because her smile is really cute :P

The time went so quickly and I got back home late. I have another meeting with my Uni friends tomorrow. Hope that I will enjoy it too :)

Why Do I Learn English

Why do I want to learn English? There are some reasons. Simply, it sounds cool, lol. But there are other languages that sound cool as well. I feel French sounds cool too. Then why English? Maybe because it's the most usful language in the world, and I had a base of it, I mean, I learnt it at school in old days. Even though what I learned in the classroom was not useful, it makes me feel easier that I've learned something in the past.

Once I started talking to people from other countries, I got interested in things I can use English. I want to travel abroad, want to talk to people and make friends from other countries. I'd been interested in traveling since before, but didn't think of visiting abroad as much as now. I've made a few friends from abroad I feel like meeting again, and they are people I wouldn't have met if I didn't get interested in English! It's definitely making my world widen :D

However, making real friends is so hard. As same as yours, my good friends are people I spent time with a lot. Most of them are since I was a junior high school student. I need a process to trust someone, so can't be like that; get to know someone, hang around with a few times, now we are friends, la la la :S I want friends that I can enjoy with...especially same ager girlfriends to chat or go shopping etc.

Firstly, I don't see many foreigner girls in Japan (except asian girls), and even if I see someone, they look like tourists. I don't even get response from girls when I go on a web site, and write like "I'd like to have a friend from abroad to hang around with~", lol. What the hell? There is no foreign girls in Japan? lol. Or, just they don't want to become friends with me, who knows (T_T) But it's a funny thing I got some response from JAPANESE GUYS. I wonder why they emailed me since the website was for making foreign friends and I wrote I wanted friends from abroad, lol. I saw other people wrote stuff like "I'm not searching for Japanese friends here" as well. I don't know if there are a lot or just same people are doing that, but...wanted them to read the atmosphere...:P

Anyway, why do I want to learn Engish is...I can make my world widen and can feel easier when I go on a trip through the language :)

Connected with May Day

May Day / Bump Of Chicken

I heard the silence of you disliked by yourself
It came from far away even though I'm in front of you

I searched for the sender and reached a puddle
If it's a humans heart, I don't know the depth

It doesn't matter if it was me or not
Another thing is causing problems

Can I keep my breath until I reach the bottom of the heart?
I will keep diving until I find you sinking by yourself
We can get close in proportion to the pain
We will be together when we breathe again

I was also heard my silence
If you dive for me as well

Let's keep each other's kisses
Don't lose and bring it
I'll bring it to you disliked by yourself instead

Everyone is another living, another person
So, we can notice warmth when we know loneliness

Am I brave? I'll know all the pain you hid if I look into your heart once
Let's get hurt instead of hurting
It's not shareable, so it's good to have twice

You and me are scared of looking and showing oneself or looking into someone
But we were sending May Day like praying from ourselves we sank

The rescue signal ringing the side deep in the heart
You are there, come here, don't need to escape
I handed the kiss when I touched the sender
I got it from you

Am I brave?
Believe me, I will take you outside without releasing once I hold your hand
Can I keep my breath until I reach the bright outside of the heart?
We will be together when we breathe again


Have to listen to this song and live happily this month (*^_^*)