ヒトマエデナケルコト。

One of my friends said I could cry there if I had a hard time. But I think it's hard to cry in front of someone. Even tears come out (but I try my hardest not to weep), thinking about crying aloud...no way! I'm not gonna do such a thing. I'd rather choose wiping my tears when no one is looking, nor I cry alone. As a girl, I think it's unfair using tears as a weapon, especially when I'm with guys. Girls' weeping intentionally and appeal to someones sympathy is one of the things that I hate a lot. Therefore I don't wanna shed tears in front of anyone. It feels like I'm the loser if I cry in front of someone. I don't want to show my weakness in that way.

But on the other hand, I envy someone who can cry in front of someone...as long as there is not a dirty mind, lol. If I do, it means I don't have to worry the person might think I'm crying intentionally or something. I don't have to hide anything and can show myself nakedly however ugly it looks. It comes from trust and being free from fear. I need a special place. As long as I have to care the third eyes, it's not the place. Mmmm, I'm confused now, and don't feel I'm expressing myself clearly (~_~;) Actually, I'm so sleepy working at night being alone in the hospital lab right now, when a lot of people are having off days for new year. Maybe I can cry here and curse my poor destiny working tonight :S Hahaha, this post might have been just a silly talk.

Message For Myself

If I describe about past few months with just one word, I say it was like a firework. You might laugh, but I really feel so. As soon as being lighted, it went up with a noise, and the blossom came out. But the life of the fire flower was short. It shined prettily and disappeared so quickly. After that, there was only the bright impression remained with the smell of the powder, and loneliness was floating around the air silently.

"When I'm very depressed and sad, even feel like dying, I'm surprised to find myself still alive. However painful I feel, people around me live ordinary life and it relieves me a little." That's the words my friends said and it impressed me. However sad I am, the earth keeps rotating and the environment around me doesn't do anything with me. I know I was obsessed. I need a rest now. I have to slow down, spend my own time, and charge myself to be full. The mistake I made doesn't produce anything. I should take it. All I have to do is to think what was wrong and try not to cause the same problem again.

Don't be so depressed myself! However little it is, you can't deny there is a hope. Everything is unsettled about the future.

Hybrid Instrumental

This is a promotion video of an artist group that I like a lot recently. Actually, this music is one of the most favorite ones. It's the first track of their first CD.

I bought their CDs a few days ago. I'm a person who doesn't buy musics online, I'd rather buy a CD if I really like the music. But recently, I didn't even go to a CD store. I don't know why I had been unfamiliar with music lately, but the fact is, I hadn't bought any CD for a year. So, it means the music I bought had a power to break the rule :) It's a completely new type of music among CDs I have. Their performance is unique and powerful. I like it a lot. I was impressed when I heard this music at a store, and have wanted the composition since then. Now, finally I have it. And luckily, I got two tickets for their free mini in store live concert that will be made in January. Of course I want to go :D I wanna see their performance in person. It will be so great!! I'm excited :D For me, they are revolutionary children, lol.

My Declaration

I've been so busy recently, I have a lot of things to do, so I didn't even get the chance to come here and post anything :( I feel frustrated because I don't feel I'm what I am now. I decided one of my biggest choice in my 25 years life (you might think its exaggerated expression tho, lol) which I call my first biggest ohitorisama debut in my life. I had hard time to decide, but once I decided, I felt much easier and things around me seemed working well, but after a while, I didn't feel good anymore.

The fact is, I can't say something that I want to say. As I'm Japanese, I read the atmosphere and don't disturb it unless I feel I need it. But now I have hard time to judge what I have to tell being between my wishes and my thoughts. And what makes the situation worse is..I'm not straight sometimes; I sometimes hesitate something and react as if I didn't want it even I feel happy when I get it. How can someone know my true desire if I'm like this?

One clear thing is, I need time. But there is little time and there is a term from the time to time that I get next. It makes me lose the sense where I reached last time and how to react next time. I wish I had a large time to make sure my direction. I know that a person, that I'm thinking about now, is not perfect. Maybe he is trying to make me comfortable about something, but as for me, it's not enough because I need something more than words. I need a good environment to tell my requirement sometimes...I mean, how can I tell somebody that I want to go somewhere with right after the person says he/she has no money to spend for a while. Communication shouldn't be self-satisfaction. If you want someone to let you know his/her true thought, it's necessary to make a situation that the person feel easy to tell such things. Even I say this, I don't think myself is good enough about such a thing. I have to try as well. And since I hate myself being like this now, I really should tell anything that I want to tell to "somebody".

So, this post is my declaration.
..Maybe I should be persistent in some degree :S

I Have to Start From Trying

I noticed that I haven't posted anything here for a while. This month has been passing so quickly because I have something almost every weekend. I think it's great because I don't get bored and enjoying my time. I feel that I've been under the influence of something happening around me these days...actually, they're not what happens around me directly, mostly just information someone lets me know, but it's so enough to make my small ambition grow up.



I WANT TO DO SOMETHING COOL...
It's good enough to be self satisfaction though, lol.



I'm not gonna write definite things because I'm not sure yet, but yes I want to make my plan come true :) It might be just a little thing for people, but for me, it's something special. And I'm sure I can find myself changed through it if I realize it. Now, I'm planning :P I'm gonna do something I wanna do, and maybe it'll be unstoppable if I really desire it. I'm sorry I didn't write any clear thing this time...this post is so vague, lol. But I want to tell you one thing that I want to realize when I go through my small ambition.

為せば成る 為さねば成らぬ 何事も 成らぬは人の 為さぬなりけり
So, I have to start from "為すこと". Don't be afraid!

The Year-end Party Season Is Coming Close

It's been cold these few days. I can hear the footsteps of winter. It's almost there. When November starts, they start decorating a lot of places with lights for Christmas. I always feel it early because it's more than a month before Christmas day, but they are pretty, so it's ok. I haven't been to see pretty Christmas illuminations so I definitely want to go this year. I remember the one I saw in Odaiba when I was hanging around with hospital people was pretty. It was last year but I feel it so far don't know why.

The second year of my life as a member of society is going so quick. It's unbelievable that I'm already 25, feeling like I'm still a child. It's still few but some of people around my age or a little bit younger are already married and being mothers and fathers. Time passes so quickly. We make drinking parties that are called 忘年会(bounenkai) in December. I've written about it before and its a party for saying good bye to this year. Usually, such drinkings at work is something strained, so I like having one with friends. I remember the one I had with my co-workers when I was working at izakaya part time as a student. It was really gay and fun. I loved drinking with them, so I miss it. I wonder what kind of life they have now. They were very different from friends I had in school. I was working there for a while...3 or 4 years and it's not so short. A lot of people came and quit (most of people quit really soon), so it was like I was standing on a passage watching people going through. There were only a few people that I spent long time with at that place. But I don't feel we are friends, feel something special. Maybe we are not so close, but I feel like calling them 仲間 rather than 友達.

Now, this year is my turn to make a plan for 忘年会 for my co-workers. I hope it goes well :)

タバコなんて大嫌い

　買い物行こうとした時、引き出しからライター持ち出したの見てあれって思った。
　描いてある国旗の絵見せられて、あぁ、それ見せたかったのかってちょっと安心した。でも、違った。

　丸一日一緒に居たこともあったけど、吸っているところなんて今まで一度も見たことなかったし、健康に悪いって言っていたのに…。

　確かに最近BEAMSとかでライター見たとき、タバコ吸い始めるよって言っていた。Are you sure?って聞いたけど、かっこいいライター持ちたいとかなんとか。ライターなんてタバコ吸わなくても持ち歩けるじゃん。

　部屋から外へ出たキミが、マルボロを出して火を付けた。





　I know you are sad.
　でも、今日で止めるから。





　そう言って、階段の脇まで行って立ち止まって一服。そんなこと言うなら初めから目の前で吸わないで欲しかった。涙が出そうになった。絶対に泣くものかと押しとどめた。


　タバコなんて大嫌い。
　悲しい現実から目を背けたくて背中を向けた。暗い夜道に雨が静かに降っている。

　先に行っていいよって傘を差し出されたけど待っているって小声で言った。外の気温で頬が冷たい。



　そういえば、冬休みにセルビアに帰るってもう言ったよね？



　まさかの追い討ち。そんなの聞いていない。年末一緒に過ごしたいから休み教えてって前に言ったのに。

　そうやって自由で、一人で決めちゃってから事後報告。私のことなんて考えていないでしょ？
　せめて、一緒に過ごした言っていっていたのにごめんねって一言があればだいぶ違うのに。

　君といる時間がどんなに好きかなんてちょっとしたいざこざの後に言ってくれたけど、そういうことされるとやっぱり不安になる。心がえぐられる。

　キミが他の友達とどういう風に接しているか知らないから、自分がどう特別なのか、他の人と違うのかよくわからない。友達に会ってみたいって言ったこともあるけど、キミのことだから多分忘れているよね。



　部屋に帰ってきてキミが、残りのタバコごと箱に水を入れて捨てた。私は見ていない振りをした。

　セルビアのことが気になって、ご飯を食べているときに思い切って聞いてみた。いつ帰るのかとか。休みはいつからいつまでなのかとか。

　正直勇気が必要だった。

　物事をずばずば聞けるときは、自分と相手を線引いて割り切っているときか、逆に絶対大丈夫と安心しきっているとき。





　キミに寄りかかり始めているけど、まだ完全には寄りかかれない。











　そんなネガティブな気持ちのときにふと聴きたくなったスノースマイル。　

I Went to Nikko!

It's been a while since I went to Nikko last time. I was maybe 11 or 12 years old, and went there as my school trip in elementary school. I think going to Nikko is kind a mottainai thing for little kids like I was at that time, because they don't have knowledge about history. So, I wanted to go there as I grew up, but if I ask myself if I was worth going there, maybe not 100% because I'm still not good at history, lol. I think knowing the background of the places we visit is great because it helps us understand about the place more and maybe bring more emotion. However, even we don't know about such things, if we can still be impressed, and feel happy going there, it's great. Seeing pretty shrines, red and yellow leaves, eating yummy foods, taking a bath in onsen...I enjoyed my trip :D Even the horrible rain and wind on the second day didn't bother me too much since I was with someone I feel comfortable and relaxed beside.

So, I think even happenings can be fun if we go on a trip with great buddy. If we do, maybe we will help each other, and solve the problems. Anything will be enjoyable in the end in such cases. Actually, in the begining, we missed our train once, and even about to miss another train. But somehow, we were in time and got to Nikko on the time I planned :) The rain on the second day made me so wet and cold but we were happy after taking a bath at onsen again :)

Anyway, I enjoyed the trip. What I have to worry now is..if I can go on my next trip which I'm not sure if I can go :( I really hope that everything will work well in the end. I don't think I'm doing a wrong thing, and I don't want to lose my precious thing I want to keep :)

Web album: A Trip to Nikko

Oktober Fest

We went to Oktober Fest yesterday. The place was so crowded and the seats were already full when I got there around 3PM. But I got a seat since my sister was there since around 2PM or so :) She was feeling helpless staying there alone trying to keep seats for some people so I tried to get there as soon as possible.

People there were enjoying drinking, eating, having a conversation with their buddy and the entire place looked very exciting especially when a group from Germany started playing music. At the intervals of music, we sang a song "Ein Prosit der Gemutelichkeit" which is a German song that is sung before saying "Cheers". After singing the song, everyone flyed their beer mug and knocked them. The place was filled with a sense of unity :D I enjoyed the atmosphere!! It just made me want to go there again...maybe next year :P And if I get the chance to go, maybe I have to go much earlier, or during weekdays because it's hard to get seats if I go there late on weekends :S


Web album: Yokohama Oktober Fest 2009

My Outcome

It's my outcome of yesterday. Does it look yummy? lol. I made my blunch and dinner and the photo is my blunch :) Similar to 雑炊 (*^_^*) I wanted to eat noodle, but I forgot buying Udon. So I made zousui. However it looked ok, it wasn't so good...actually, it was okay, but I felt something was missing. But MAYBE, I know what was missing..so maybe next time...:P

And the other one whas what I made for dinner. I made a hamburg steak!! It's so funny, it tasted good but it was so ugly looking, so I didn't take a picture, lol. When I finished making it, I was like, "Oh, I can't cook this for anyone!" If I do, I have to make the person blindfolded, and bring the food into mouth!!! But it was good that I found that my cooking skill is horrible, so, a lot of space to improve :P No, actually I knew I couldn't cook well. But yeah, cooking is fun as long as I feel like doing it. Since eating is the most simple requirement of our body, of course it's better to be able to cook well :) But hey, you can't deny there is a possibility that I might be a girl who can grab a very nice guy's stomach with my amazing cooking skill in the future!!! ...Maybe NOT, lol.

What is Well-balanced?

言霊(Kotodama): the spiritual power people generally in Japan believe that presences in words.


The other day, one of my friend said that I'm responsible for what I say much more than her. I don't deny it. Because I'm always serious about what I say. If I tell someone something, it's mostly what I'm sure or what I'm gonna do for sure. If not, like when I'm mentioning about uncertain thing like just about my wish or something, I make it clear that it's a unsure thing. Maybe that's because I hate that when someone says something irresponsible or halfhearted thing; maybe the person feels that it sounds good at that time but never does it because it's just an impromptu idea.

Since I'm thinking words are serious as long as I'm not joking around, I expect that everyone is same as me somewhere in my mind without noticing. When someone tells me that he/she is gonna do something, I believe it somewhere in my mind since if I say such a thing, I really do that. However, the situations usually don't go as I expected. I know I shouldn't require everyone the same thing as me, but when it happens, I feel I was betrayed and feel disappointed. It sucks. And if someone does it again and again, it just makes me mad or put less value on him/her.

As you know, Japan is a homogeneous country and we usually notice people's real intention behind words even if the words are vague or the opposite because we pay attention not just to words but reactions. So, as long as it's noticeable like that it's not the case. It's the case that seems to work but actually won't. I HATE IT! It's just cruel if I have expectations. I can't blame it since I know it's just my personal feelings, but want that person to be a little bit sweeter if he/her knows about my character.

It takes time for me to open my heart and trust a person. And the thing I mentioned can easily break the trust because being responsible/honest to own words is required for the person if I'm going to build a good relationship with someone.

Be Positive!

That's what I have to be. I shouldn't be negative all the time. It's been a something tough for me recently (you might laugh because maybe it'll sound tiny if I tell you), but I need to blow it away somehow (>_<)=3 Since I have to stay over here (I'm at my workplace tonight), and I'm going back home tomorrow, I made a list what I'm gonna do when I get home.

1. Cleaning my room; I haven't cleaned my room for a while, so it's messy.
2. Getting some stuff at grocery store, and cook meal for dinner; my mom wouldn't be at home tomorrow night.

I rarely cook, so I can't cook (miso soup or curry rice are not counted as cooking :P) But I think, recent situation is a good chance for me to start cooking sometimes. Even though I won't be able to cook like someone (yes, yes, I know you would say comparing is waste), I would be happy if I can cook well in some degree and if the food makes somebody happy :D There is no way to get better if I never try. So, I HAVE TO try :X Now, I'm thinking about 和風ハンバーグ that I feel like eating now, and the other thing is けんちん汁 I can never forget. The one I ate on top of Mt.Takao with Singaporean friends few years ago was AMAZING...YUM!! I don't know how to make it, but hopefully, I can find a way someday :O So, maybe not both things at the same time...I mean, tomorrow. My dad and brother will eat the outcome of my experiment(?) tomorrow night and I hope that I wouldn't have to feel sorry about it :P

Anyways, I hope that I can forget negative things around me and being positive when I doing stuffs I have to do tomorrow.

My Wish List

● Bag
Kind a pretty one that matches with skirt or one piece-dress :) My only one pretty/casual bag is old; I bought it 5 or 6 years ago. Some parts are broken now :( Since my style is much more casual than pretty, I don't wanna get just a pretty bag. It has to go well with some of my clothes too :D

● Key case
I've bought my bf a good key case. But haven't bought myself such a thing yet, lol. Maybe I tend to buy something better as a present for someone than something for myself :P Actually, the one that I gave him was my taste; I mean, kind a thing what myself want to use..but maybe mannish...? Who cares! Actually, I liked it. When I was buying it I thought like "if he didn't like it, maybe I would use it!" I found a nice COIN CASE at a store the other day. I really like the design. That's too bad it wasn't a key case. It it was, I would definitely buy it..if it's not too expensive.

● Watch
Maybe that's the thing I will buy the earliest. I really don't wear watches now, but recently I was affected by someone, and got chances to browse watches at stores. I haven't paid attention to watches before, but I thought it was cool. So MAYBE? I'll buy a watch soon. And it won't be a girlish one. It will be a little bit or more mannish casual one, because such kinds of watches are what I was attracted by.

Recently, I'm getting chances experiencing new things. And some of them are giving me sort of influences; making me feeling like doing something new. I really don't like being forced to change my style. I don't wanna overreach myself, being myself is my style. Even though I'm slow than other people sometimes, it's okay. As long as I don't care about it; like when I didn't care about fashion when everyone around me was so interested in fashion in my late teens :D The little changes are happening naturally now. I LOVE IT.

Anyway, I want to get things on my wish list. Hope that it will come soon...maybe not??? But I WANT TO.

Ohitorisama Debut

"Ohitorisama" means oneself. If you go to restaurant or somewhere, a waiter asks how many people it is, so if you are alone, the person will say "Ohitorisama desuka?" The word was in fashion a few years ago. Since being "Ohitorisama" is becoming common. Before, it had a little negative impression, but now it's not like that...maybe.

I was a person who hasn't been to some places alone. I haven't even been to a cafe alone. But about cafe, that's because going to a cafe is kind an extravagant thing for me, so if I go there, it's always with someone, not alone. I'm a girl who can go to Yoshinoya or Matsuya alone; some girls feel shy to go alone. Even I go to such places alone, I haven't been to karaoke or movie alone. So, today was something new.

I came back home in the morning after work feeling like going somewhere alone, so I decided to go to karaoke alone because I remembered one of my friends said she liked going to karaoke alone. Plus, I wanted to go to see a movie because today was 1st day :) So I did two new things; going to karaoke and movie alone :D

I don't know why but it felt really good today, maybe because of the weather?? I wasn't shy about doing that as before. It was something fresh. I wanted to try some Krispy Kreme doughnuts as well because I haven't eaten them yet, but didn't get the chance today :( Hmmm, maybe next time. Anyway, I enjoyed. I feel like I'm mentally more stable than before recently. Something has been changing, and it brought me something stable. And maybe a lot of things of myself are getting better. I'm trying to be patient, trying to get close to my ideal, and I'm more outgoing now...etc. I'm happy about it. Hope that everything turns to be something better.

I Like This Rhythm

I haven't listened to music so much recently. But I found something I like the other day :) The song reminded me about the time I went to my favorite artists' live concert a lot...it was some years ago. I haven't been to a big concert hall so much most places I went were a small hall in Shibuya or in Shimokitazawa...maybe once or twice in a month.

I like small concert halls because I can see the artist from close area. I like it when the place is crowded and everyone is jumping, singing, waving arms It's so fun when it feels like everyone's heart is connected :D

I don't know why, maybe it's just because the rhythm of this song is my taste. So, now I'm kind a miss it. Haven't been to such places for a long while...want to go. But I haven't listened to the songs I used to listened in those days. I don't know if they changed or not...haven't even checked their websites. Maybe my life style changed since some point.

One thing I never forget is, I used to like Iwase Keigo a lot. And he came to our University to make a small live concert during our school festival when I was there. It was so lucky! My favorite artist came to my place when I liked him! It was incredible. I remember when I noticed it, I called my friend and told about it. At that time, my voice trembled and my hand holding the phone was shaking, lol. Hmmm, I was that impressed. Hope that such a lucky thing happens to my life again :P

A Day To Relax

Today was a fine autumn day. Since I came back from my work in the morning, I went to Inogashira park after taking a bath. It was very comfortable just sitting there and relaxing. There were more people than I expected, maybe it's because students are still during their summer vacation. I saw a lot of couples on boats in the pond. I envied...no, I didn't envy since there is a story about the pond. The god of the pond, Benten-sama is a female god. Since she gets jealous of couples, couples that ride on a boat in the pond will break up. I don't believe it very seriously, but I've broken up with my bf that I rode on a boat with in the pond...so, it's better to avoid such a possibility even though it might be so tiny, lol.

I had been sitting there for a few hours, until it got dark. When the sunshine started getting weaker, two guys started singing with their guitar on a bench that was not so far from me. Their song reminded me about 19; the artist group I liked a lot some years ago. It was kind a calm moment. Anyway, I feel like I washed my unsightly mind away that has been keeping bothering me for a few days. Maybe I'll get it again, but it's better to clean up sometimes, or else, it'll be filled :( So, it was nice. The only thing to regret is, I should have brought something sweet. Chocolate, candies, coffee from Starbucks...anything would have been alright. It was much greater if I had something there!

I Love LUMINE

I went shopping yesterday :D It's been a while since I went my favorite stores to search for something seriously...maybe last time was January. Of course I went some shopping malls and bought something when I found something, but didn't go such places only for shopping. I love LUMINE; the shopping mall around Tokyo area. I haven't been to many of them, but my favorite LUMINEs are the one in Shinjuku; LUMINE EST and the one in Tachikawa because they have some stores that I like.

I didn't have an exact idea what to buy, but wanted to add something new to my clothes I already had. Luckily, I found some cute casual clothes :P I can't wait to wear them~. I like all of the things I bought yesterday, but the most favorite one is an one-piece dress. It's a two-tone coloured simple one, and goes well with jeans too :D When I saw it, I liked it so I tried, and it looked better than I thought! So I bought it XD

It's getting cooler recently, so I'm changing my clothes. Soon, I will start wearing clothes one over another; I like layered fashion..as long as I don't look chubby, lol. I will wear my boots as well. I like thinking what to wear next day. So, I want to make my life more enjoyable with fashion (*^_^*)

Roller Coasters!!

Today I went to Fujikyu highland :D It's been a while since I went there last time, maybe 5 years or so. I LOVE roller coasters!!! So I was so excited XD. It's located in Yamanashi prefecture; beside Mt. Fuji. The main roller coaster is Fujiyama, and there are other few ones.

It was maybe my first time trying the roller coaster "eejanaika" and I loved it!! It was amazing!! I'm sure you should try, if you like roller coasters :) The weather was really nice today...maybe too hot in the daytime, but it was great to go outside like an amusement park like this. We rode on all three big roller coasters but didn't have time to go to other ones because there were a lot of people...so we had to wait so long :S But it was still great because we enjoyed our day :D

If I say one thing, I wanted to go to the haunted house :( It was already closed when we finished the roller coasters. The haunted house is one of the biggest in Japan...might be in the world, and it's kept changing the inside. Man, I wanted to go there so much when it was BIOHAZARD (Resident evil) version a few years ago.

Anyway, I enjoyed today. Great!!! HAHAHA!!

1st Day = Movie Day

1st day is a good day because you can see movie with 1,000yen :) So, I finally went to see the movie of Hachiko :D I liked it!! I was sure that I was gonna cry if I see the movie, so I brought my small towel...good job me (^O^)b I enjoyed it very much!! I saw the movie in English with Japanese subtitles because I prefer it more than the one dubbed into Japanese. Man, I wish I understood English movies without subtitles but it's just like a dream :(

So, I did one more thing what I wanted to do :) Now I want to make my other dreams/requirements come true. Hope that the day will come soon :D

Damn, I Can't Go!

The 7th person died because of the swine flu in Japan :( It's kind an unusual thing that the orders of testing flu come every day even it's August now; I really didn't test even once in this season last year. According to the government, the flu's peak will be coming in October, and that is the month I wanted to go somewhere with my sister. But it'll be canceled because of the flu. As for me, it should be all right, but for her, her boss said it's better to avoid going abroad on October. Sucks :S But it's okay because we didn't decide where to go yet, actually, my sister wanted to go to Italy, but I don't think I can get that long holidays..

Anyway, I haven't taken my summer vacation yet since I wanted to take it in October, but if I don't go anywhere, I don't feel like getting it now. It'll be put off till next chance. I know maybe we can go somewhere in Japan, but some places I want to go are maybe not good to go in October or winter. But I'm sure there are somewhere that really good going in fall :) Have to get a companion and make a plan to escape from reality, lol. Of course the person might be my sister because if I go with another one, she will be jealous :P

Summer Is Ending

I can feel it. Especially at night, it's not as hot as before anymore. I feel a little bit lonely when I hear the singing of insects because it reminds me about the coming fall and winter.

Yesterday, I went to a festival with my boyfriend. It was one of the most famous festivals around here, but I haven't been there...plus, I wanted to show him how Japanese festival was. Anyway, I finally got the chance to go somewhere wearing yukata :D It was a moment that my small dream came true; I wanted to go to festivals or firework displays wearing yukata so much in recent years! I thought it might be troublesome since the place was a little bit far; so might feel uncomfortable in yukata, but it was fine. I ate a lot of things, walked around...etc. There were various scents on the streets, they were also very crowded and it looked so easy to get lost if we didn't hold hands. Anyway, I'm glad I got the chance to go. I don't think I can get another chance in my 20's if I missed it, lol. Now, I have to make my other dreams come true while I'm having the luck...since the luck may be really short and I might be dying like a grasshopper in the coming winter, who knows? :P

The Greatest Birthday Present I've Ever Gotten

It was my birthday yesterday. I got some presents from a few good friends this year too, but I have something that I can't forget. It's one of those birthday presents I've gotten, actually, I got it last year. It was from my dear friend Haruka and her bf; Masataka.

Even though it was great, I've never gotten the chance to use it since I don't go camping or staying friends' apartment, but if I get the chance, I'll definitely bring it and use it to sleep! It looks really AMAZING! You can have a comfortable sleep with Pharaoh lol

So like this, I like giving & getting something that has humour even though it's worthless and useless. But I also know that it can't be my self satisfaction if I'm the one who give such a thing to someone. If the person don't understand the humour, it'll be just a garbage! :(

Anyway, I like this present a lot. I wonder if I get something beyond it in the future :P Hopefully, I'll get the chance to use it near in the future, lol.

Scuba Diving!!

It's been almost a year since I went under the sea last time. It was for training to get my license, so this time was just for having fun!! Of course I enjoyed the training session too, but this time was different because I brought my camera :D As I like taking snapshots a lot, I wanted to take pictures under the sea so much, but it wasn't allowed to bring a camera while training classes and even if I didn't have the rule, I wouldn't since I didn't have space, so this time was something special.

I thought taking pictures under the sea would be difficult, since focusing the camera on objects is a little bit difficult if I push the shutter over the water proof case. But it was not really :D I took many pictures and some of them were not bad. So, I'm glad :D I don't know when I can go scuba diving again, but want to bring my camera whenever I go :P


Web album: My First Fun Diving at Hatsushima

Calm Place, Nice View

I went to an aquarium with my friend today. it's been a while since I went to the aquarium for the last time...it was 8 years ago or so. It's in a park beside the sea. I love to see the landscape from the park, so staying there is really nice...as long as the weather is not uncomfortable :P I remember when I went there last time, my bf was about to fall into the sea when we were walking the seaside, lol. It was our first place going on the date after starting going out :) I remember he was about to fall slip into the sea when we were walking the sea side.

Since I love observing livings, I like going to such places. Today's my favorite was...penguins!!! They are really cute! I love when they're shaking their butts!! They look very happy in the water. But one negative thing is...they smell bad, lol. Might be not themselves, but smelled something bad..maybe fish and sh*t? Anyway, I want to go to the place again. It's a little bit far from my place; actually, it's beside Disney resorts, but I want to explore the park :P~ Doesn't have to be just the aquarium. Maybe I'll go there with someone who likes exploring places next timeXD

Want to Have Fun

I had a whole day shift last Saturday, and also this Saturday. There were/are some big firework displays on these Saturdays and I can't go because of my shift :( Don't you think it's on someone's trick?? lol. I've wanted to do "wearing yukata and go to see a firework display" past a few years, and it doesn't seem I can do it this year again...Wanted to hang around the place, get some foods at booths..

I want to do a lot of things in this summer! Want to go to see firework display, nice sunset, festivals, interesting events, movies (Night at The Museum 2 and Hachiko: A Dog's Tale).

Hachi is the most famous dog. There is a dog statue in front of the Shibuya station, and that is Hachi :D Since a lot of people come the place to meet up somebody, I'm sure you've seen the statue if you've been to Shibuya. I think the sad story about the statue..royal dog; Hachiko is popular in Japan. The movie "Hachiko: A Dog's Tale" is based on the true story. It's a remaked movie of a Japanese movie; ハチ公物語. I see its movie trailer again and again, and it always makes me cry!! lol. I really want to see this movie (>_<) But I have to be careful, I'll definitely cry if I see the movie, so have to choose the person to go with.

By the way, I'm sure the date of its road show in Japan is on purpose. August 8th :D 8 is "hachi" in Japanese :P You can see some of the original movie from here.

USAVICH

It's a story about Poutin and Кирененко that are enjoying their comfortable imprisonment life in an Russian prison. They are loose and unique. I saw this video at a store before and liked it :) Hope that you will like it too :D

Y150

Today I went to Yokohama to see A Grand Exposition for Yokohama's 150th Year. It started on April, and I've seen a lot of posters about it, but haven't been there. It's composed of three main areas; Bayside Area, Hillside Area, and Mother Port Area.

I went to the Bayside area today and it was composed of three areas. We went to every area but I didn't think they were worth the price I paid. Actually, my friend felt the same way. If I say something was good, maybe "ENEOS La Machine" was the best. Maybe "ENEOS Evening Picnic" was pretty late at night, but we didn't see it since we came back home in the evening.

Anyway, however I got some negative impression, it was still okay since I got to know how it was. I don't recommend you to go there..since I think it's too expensive. Maybe it was okay if it was half price :(

Hmmm, one thing I wanted to do is over now, what to do next during this short summer :S

RADIOSTEREO

レディオステレオ　作詞/作曲：岩瀬敬吾

遊歩道座り込んであの頃の土を掘り起こしたんだ
確かあの日君の描いた笑顔の色をしていた

浴びるレディオの場所はあの頃と違って
今は思い出すだけだった君に会いたくなっていた

変われたか気になっていた僕は許されてるかい？
過ぎ去っていた歩道を振り返ってみた

いつも誰もいない所で日だまりになっていた場所を好んでいた
絶え間なく目に浮かんだ未来を希望としていた

浴びるレディオ抱いてつないだ道は続く
意外と暗くないのでつまむライトをOFFに光溢れてて

恐くないから会いに来て僕は許されてるかい？
行き交っていた時間も止まっていた

another day

許されてるかい
過ぎ去っていた
振り返ってみた
行き交っていた


When this song was released, I was a university student. I really liked this artist at that time, and was going to his live concert a lot. His songs were something like word games, for example, a lot of rylics didn't make sense but sounded good in the melodies. Sometimes, his voice itself sounded like part of the melody. Since this song was released, I think his new songs changed from past ones. They tend to make sense and sounded more emotional.

I haven't been to his live concert for a long while now. I don't deny I have much less passion about him compared to before. But somehow, I just remembered about this song recently. It's one of the songs I surely stayed with part of my life, and I felt like putting it here, that's it.

Tanabata

There was a very beautiful daughter of the Lord of Heaven living beside the Milky way sparkling in the night sky. Her name was Orihime. She listened to her father well and working hard on weaving everyday. The cloth she made was very beautiful and it was shining in 5 colours. The wonderful brocade changed its colour every season. The Lord of Heaven was impressed but thought poor about her since she was marrigeable age but didn't make up, and didn't even have time to fall in love. So, he decided for her to get married with Kengyu. He was a cow boy living west of the Milky way. Thus, the two started their new life.

However, after getting married, Orihime was absorbed in the life with Kengyu and frolicking every day. She stopped weaving. Her father let her off for a while because they were newly-married couple, but started getting mad since it didn't stop. He got very angry and visited them. He said, "Orihime, did you forget your job is weaving? I can't let your misunderstanding keep going. So, you must go back to the riverside and start weaving hard again". And he added, "If you reform yourself and work hard, I'll let you meet Kengyu once a year, on the night of July 7th".

She felt a lot of pain to live without Kengyu, but she couldn't disobay her father. So, she said bye to her husband and went back east of the Milky way with drooping her head.

From that time, she reflected on her past conduct and started weaving hard again. Of course Kengyu felt the same way as well. He worked and worked..and waited for July the 7th comes. Like this, both of them strived for their job, and waited for the night

However, if it rains on that day, the water of the river comes up and she can't cross the river. Even though the young moon is under the river, the hearless shipper doesn't ship her to the other side. So they linger on each side of the river weeping and looking at the surface of it with feeling pain.

So, if it rains on the 7th of July, a group of magpie that can't stand looking at the two people come from somewhere, and make a bridge on the Milky way with spreading their wings, and help Orihime to meet Kengyu.



This story is very popular in Japan. We put ornaments and cerebrate the day. The very popular one is putting a bamboo somewhere and tie pieces of paper we wrote our wish :)

ScoLar

ScoLar is a clothes brand from Osaka. They product casual clothes. I really like the designs. They are really unique and cool. I always feel like buying new ones whenever I see their productions at stores :D But they're kind of expensive things :S A T-shirts costs 4095yen!! An one-peace dress costs even more! It's rare to see them discounted.

However, today was a lucky day. I saw the ScoLar T-shirts and tops discounted at my favorite store XD I bought two T-shirts today :D One is normal one and the other is a long one. It was after a while since I bought my clothes last time. Because I went to a trip last month, I've been refrained from buying clothes :) Anyway, I was really happy today to buy my favorite clothes at a lower price. It's hard to explain what I like about the brand. So, I want you to check by yourself :D Hey girls, do you like the brand? Let's go shopping together if you like my taste :P

Where To Go Next

The thing, that commands majority of my brain is "where to go next". Although we don't have official summer holidays in our workplace, we still can get some days off with using the paid holidays as summer vacation in turn. So, what I'm thinking is about my next trip.

I'm not sure for now, since I don't know where to go. But I want to avoid the season that is so expensive to travel. So for now, I'm thinking of getting some days off in October :) I don't think I can get a week off, maybe 5 or 6 days in maximum, so the place I can go is somewhere in Japan or some Asian country that is close from Japan. Of course I wanna visit Europe, but it needs much more days as long as I don't stay in a small city whole the days. And maybe I'll go with my sister again, so the place has to be the one she is interested too.

So, where is good to visit in that schedule? 5~6 days, in October. Want to visit somewhere that is comfortable to visit in that season :) It will be much better if the place is best to visit in the season.

The other day, I read about India in some blogs. I got interested and wanted to visit. But my sister isn't interested in India so much. :S And there is another problem, if I go with other tourists and tour conductors, it would be alright. I don't have to worry about things so much and can travel comfortably. But I think it's a little bit boring. It's much better to be free. But I read a lot of experience of backpackers who went to India. All of them say India is fun but have to be careful because almost all of Indians that speak to us (Japanese) on the way are trying to trick us...scary! India is a country anything happens. For example, when you're on the street, someone puts dung of a caw on your shoe (you don't notice). The person tells you he would clean it and require you solecistic money for that!! It's so unbelievable. I don't think everyone does such things, but think maybe it's true since I don't think people who likes India say such unimaginable thing. Anyway, I don't deny I'm a bit scared, lol. Actually, I heard Japanese tourists are easy marks in other countries to trick :( Japan is one of the safest country in the world. I've heard of a news about French guys in Japan. They tricked people and got money. When they were arrested, they said, "Japanese people believe someone too easily". It really sucks. It might be true, but I want to say I feel sorry for you to have such poor thoughts trying to cheat on people.

Anyway, I didn't wanna say bad things about foreigners. I really want to visit a lot of places, but a little bit scared because not all the people are nice to us. Sadly, people who are trying to harm us do exist however most of people (I want to belive so) are not like that.

...Where to go??

Went To Blue Man Show

I went to watch Blue Man Group's show to Roppongi with my colleagues. First of all, we went to an Indian curry restaurant after work. Both of my colleagues had been to the restaurant, but I didn't know about the restaurant. So, it was my first experience. There were some lunch sets and everyone ordered the same thing! lol. It was curry with chicken and butter. We could choose rice or nan, and we chose nan.

First, we got a salad, and the curry and nan came. The curry was almost vermilion colour and looked hot. But it wasn't so hot. The nan was so big and it made me full soon. The lunch was yummy and we got satisfied :) I wish I could take someone there if it's close :(

Anyway, after lunch, we moved to Roppongi. We killed time in Tokyo Midtown, and went to the theater. The show was really neat! I laughed a lot. My colleagues looked they liked it as well. I was happy. Felt we got a bit closer :D It's a nice thing we can share time out of workplace like this sometimes.

After the show, we ate udon at a restaurant in Roppongi. It was yummy too. Roppongi looked nice to hang around sometimes. I really don't go there, but it's just my idea I thought today "It might be nice to come here on a date with my bf if I had a good one" Even though I usually prefer a more rural areas. :P

Listen With Your Headphone!

My sister introduced this to me last night. It's so real, isn't it? It makes me remember about a horror story in an amusment park. We enter a room, and sit on the chairs. There are headphones on the table and we have to wear it. The story progresses mainly only with sounds and voices and sometimes, light. There is a ghost in the room, and he starts killing people...and at the last time, it's your turn..the story is something like that.

Anyway, I like this sound clip so much. Hope that you'll enjoy it as well :D

いけばな

To grow out of boring life, I decided to learn "いけばな(ikebana)". It's kind a flower arrangement. It started in Muromachi Era, and separated to many schools. How they arrange flowers and what materials they use depend on the school.

Honestly, I'm not interested in what kind of school I like right now. So I chose my school with the location and class time. My purpose from now is making my life coloured with flowers and stuff. If I put some flower in the entrance, kitchen, my room...and if I know how to put flowers look pretty, isn't it fun? First of all, I thought I wanted to learn the basic of ikebana whatever.

I heard that my mom used to learn ikebana as well. But her school is "古流(koryuu)" and mine is "池坊(ikenobou)". However, I think it doesn't matter if I use her scissors (koryuu's scissors are different of ikenobou's), and even my teacher said so. But maybe I should buy ikenobou's scissors when I get my diploma. I don't know when though. It would be long long while later.

The class will be only a few times in a month. I'm sure I'll enjoy it!! It won't be unenjoyable since when I went there, brought back the flowers, the entrance added some gaiety there :)

I Enjoy Reading!

Recently, I started reading books again. I don't deny going to the library is a bit troublesome, but once I get some books, I can spend a great time :)

What did make me like that is a book of Murakami Haruki. I've heard of the name, and knew that he was very popular, but haven't read the book. One day, I told my mom I was interested in his book and wanted to read. Luckily, my mom had his books, so I got the chance to read them without making effort, lol.

The title of the books was "ダンス・ダンス・ダンス" they were vol.1 and vol.2. It was a little mysterious story. Actually, the story was interesting, so I liked it a lot. I felt like reading his book much more.

I heard that he published a new book after a while. Since he has a lot of fans, the book was subscriptions from half a million people!! He even has a lot of fans abroad as well. His books are translated in some languages. I heard that some people started learning Japanese to enjoy his original books in Japanese :D

Now I finished the book of him that I got in the library the other day. I can't wait to get another book from the library soon (*^_^*)

Like a Faded Photograph

I have a sense of somehing in my mind. As in my mind, it's like a poem book with a lot of photographs. Sometimes bright, sometimes simple..but something is impressive in each picture.

They might be nature, animals, buildings, or people..
Anything is okay as long as I like.

I saw a book at a store.
The book was actually the thing I draw in my mind.
Impressing photos, honest words of the authors.

I wish if I could take such pictures.
I wish if I could choose words in good manners.
I wish if I could express myself well in those ways.

I yearned for him.
Yearned for his talent, luck and life.

I'm a girl that always wants to be stable.
Everything is half finished, acceptable and dim like blurred inks on the canvas.

I know that I can't get everything.
But I'm not brave even to sacrifice my small colors I've gotten.

Magic Ritual To Kill Someone

There is a very popular magic ritual that is called "丑の刻参り(Ushi no koku Mairi)". It was popular in general around Edo era in Japan. Ushi no Koku is time from 1am to 3 am. Let's say you want to kill someone. You visit the shrine at the Ushi no koku time with holding a straw figure that is likened to the person you want to kill, a gosunkugi(15.15cm length spike) and a hammer.

There are some rules about the clothes as well. You have to wear a white cloth (looks like yukata), wear a trivet on your head upside-down, and put 3 candles on it. You have to wear getas that have only one tooth. You visit the shrine at Ushi no koku for 7 days with this appearance,and nail the straw figure with the spike and hammer on the sacred tree. If you complete these things without being noticed by anyone, your wish will come true; the one you feel bitter dies with pains.

There are some popular shrines about this ritual, like Kifune shrine in Kyoto. It's located in the bottom of Mt.Kifune, and surrounded by a dense cedar forest. It's still gloomy in the daytime and we even feel chill there. When you go into the depth, you'll see a lot of holes of the spikes on a lot of trees. Some of them are even new. It means, some people still do such a thing in the present time; wearing white clothes, putting candles on the head, and nailing a straw figure with a big spike in the darkness..

Envy People That Are Chasing Own Dreams

I met my friends from high school last night. We went to an izakaya restaurant, and I noticed that I saw a guy I knew there. He noticed me as well. It had been a long while since I met him for the last time.

I used to work with him at another izakaya restaurant in my uni days. He is older than me, but was going to school as well, because he kept failing the school year since he was concentrating on the job, and didn't study so much. He was doing his job well, and I respected him in that way, but didn't wanna be like him because I was a person that focus on my school work the most. So, his style was kind a thing that I didn't wanna mimic.

I got a chance to talk to him when my friend was away, and he told me he became independent and was left the business as the branch manager. He was saving up for his dream; making his own restaurant!! His face was brightening up. Even though he is a franchisee now, he is definitely getting close to his dream. I felt my life so boring. Being serious and living ordinary life is not exciting. It's hard to choose between being stable or chasing own dream. I feel I'm one of the person who can't go go through a exciting life with risks but just can live normal uninteresting life. And at the same time, I hate myself saying such a thing since it feels like I'm a person that just complains and never try doing anything.

My Best Trip Ever!

Who expected the trip would be fun that much? Actually, the short trip was my best trip in my life. Our Singaporean friends took care of us very much. It didn't matter I couldn't go somewhere I was planning, it didn't matter I couldn't do something I was thinking about; they were really really small things compared to what we experienced during the trip.

It was a really busy trip as thick as a durian! We didn't expect them come with us whole the days, but they did!!! They came to the hotel to pick us up everyday, and brought us anywhere! I didn't even have to look at my guidebook! All we had to do was just following them and enjoy! It's been just less than two years since I got to know my Singaporean friends, but it felt like we'd known each other for a long while for me. I really do felt calm and enjoyed spending time with them and their family :D

In Singapore, we got the chance to eat their food. They fed us A LOT. I'm sure I gained my weight..:S Their foods were something fresh. I sometimes got shocked since some foods tasted like the taste I never expected. As for me, the greatest things we tried there were frog and durian. They invited us to their mother's day dinner at a sea food restaurant!! I was a little bit sad when I saw frogs being kept outside in a aquarium since I like frogs, but when it came on the dish, there was no way to escape; I ATE IT. It tasted like chicken, but felt a little smoother and had some bones. Actually It was good :D But It was good that the meat didn't have the "frog shape", lol. If it did, I don't think I could eat it. (But it's just because I haven't used to it. I can eat locusts boiled down in soy since I've eaten it when I was little, lol) And about durian...I was scared if it tastes too bad..but it was not bad. But I don't say it was good either..It was a precious experience anyways :P

We really really enjoyed whole the days of the trip. As for me, one of the most enjoyable place was "Night Safari"!! I thought we might not be able to go, but they took us there! It was really enjoyable. I got so excited! The weather at night was so calm..especially when we were on the Tram after walking some while. It was so comfortable, but I didn't think we didn't need walking around there even though it was hot. Both were important for enjoying that place.

I think this writing is really terrible. This is so rambling writing. But I want to say, my sister and me really enjoyed this short trip, and were really happy we had such good friends XD Really thank for our friends and their family. I felt that I was gonna miss them so much at the airport (they even came to the airport to see us off with their parents!!) when I was leaving Singapore since we wouldn't meet next day. However, I really do want to meet them again, hopefully in Japan next time!!

Next time will be our turn to FEED YOU GUYS, Weili and Weisheng :P

Web album: A Trip to Singapore

Heart Broken (4)

The origin of the affair was the event beer hall. It's one of the biggest events that we make in a year and we provide foods, alcohols, and enjoyable time to people that come to cafeteria at through two nights. When the both days events are over, ourselves enjoy time with remaining drink and foods.

I'd made a promise to stay at his apartment since before, because it's gonna be late and I wanted to stay with him. But what he did was making promise with other junior girls a few days before of the event! He is a person that is surrounded by girls at the circle; much more than half of the members were girls, and he was easy to talk to. I blamed him since he did such a thing. As for me, the point was he didn't tell me. He told me he thought it would be okay since they were plural so nothing would happen, and it would be better to enjoy with many people.

I thought why it has to be his apartment since it was obvious it would cause troubles to neighborhood if a lot of people gathered to a small apartment at midnight. He told me about the last train for some people, and mentioned they were poor that they had to go back home earlier than other people. But I doubted it since there were much better places like izakaya or karaoke box that they could stay till next morning. It didn't sound he was more than a lady-killer.

But of course I understand the situation. They have to enjoy out of school in the midnight, and it costs when they go some restaurants or karaokes. so, I wouldn't say no if he told me beforehand. As for me, the part he didn't let me know when he was about to make the promise was much more important. Being with only her boyfriend and being together with a lot isn't the same for girls. He didn't seem he understood it, or he might have tried not to understand it since he just wanted to spend time among a lot of girls.

I told one of the juniors that were coming to his apartment about my feelings. And she said she didn't think that way and they would stop coming. But when he found it out, he got so mad. He blamed me so much. He even said he didn't like me anymore in front of the girl. That was so embarrassing. His feeling wasn't toward to me anymore.

Finally, One Of Us Gonna Get Married

Today I went to meet my friends from high school. They are people of the club I used to belong to. I like them since they are unique and have humour. When I got a email message from my friend, she said "let's gather for thinking of Hideo's virgin", it was a really trashy concept, but I didn't care since I knew it was just a joke.

When everyone came, the friend, who made the meeting told us Hideo was gonna get married. I got really shocked since I didn't expect it. So, it was really the meeting for thinking of his virgin, lol. Although we was making meeting for him, he didn't come. He's in India now because of his work. We didn't even get to call him, but some of us brought his pictures and thought of him. I asked my friend if he was gonna get married with an Indian girl but she told me the person was Japanese.

After the important announcement(?), we told each other about our recent life. Exchanging information is fun. There are always new discoveries at the meeting after long while. What I was shocked was one of my senior got married with an Australian and moved to Australia. I wondered how she caught one, but it was simple; she was working at a private English school. I thought maybe the Australian fell in love with her because her smile is really cute :P

The time went so quickly and I got back home late. I have another meeting with my Uni friends tomorrow. Hope that I will enjoy it too :)

Why Do I Learn English

Why do I want to learn English? There are some reasons. Simply, it sounds cool, lol. But there are other languages that sound cool as well. I feel French sounds cool too. Then why English? Maybe because it's the most usful language in the world, and I had a base of it, I mean, I learnt it at school in old days. Even though what I learned in the classroom was not useful, it makes me feel easier that I've learned something in the past.

Once I started talking to people from other countries, I got interested in things I can use English. I want to travel abroad, want to talk to people and make friends from other countries. I'd been interested in traveling since before, but didn't think of visiting abroad as much as now. I've made a few friends from abroad I feel like meeting again, and they are people I wouldn't have met if I didn't get interested in English! It's definitely making my world widen :D

However, making real friends is so hard. As same as yours, my good friends are people I spent time with a lot. Most of them are since I was a junior high school student. I need a process to trust someone, so can't be like that; get to know someone, hang around with a few times, now we are friends, la la la :S I want friends that I can enjoy with...especially same ager girlfriends to chat or go shopping etc.

Firstly, I don't see many foreigner girls in Japan (except asian girls), and even if I see someone, they look like tourists. I don't even get response from girls when I go on a web site, and write like "I'd like to have a friend from abroad to hang around with~", lol. What the hell? There is no foreign girls in Japan? lol. Or, just they don't want to become friends with me, who knows (T_T) But it's a funny thing I got some response from JAPANESE GUYS. I wonder why they emailed me since the website was for making foreign friends and I wrote I wanted friends from abroad, lol. I saw other people wrote stuff like "I'm not searching for Japanese friends here" as well. I don't know if there are a lot or just same people are doing that, but...wanted them to read the atmosphere...:P

Anyway, why do I want to learn Engish is...I can make my world widen and can feel easier when I go on a trip through the language :)

Connected with May Day

May Day / Bump Of Chicken

I heard the silence of you disliked by yourself
It came from far away even though I'm in front of you

I searched for the sender and reached a puddle
If it's a humans heart, I don't know the depth

It doesn't matter if it was me or not
Another thing is causing problems

Can I keep my breath until I reach the bottom of the heart?
I will keep diving until I find you sinking by yourself
We can get close in proportion to the pain
We will be together when we breathe again

I was also heard my silence
If you dive for me as well

Let's keep each other's kisses
Don't lose and bring it
I'll bring it to you disliked by yourself instead

Everyone is another living, another person
So, we can notice warmth when we know loneliness

Am I brave? I'll know all the pain you hid if I look into your heart once
Let's get hurt instead of hurting
It's not shareable, so it's good to have twice

You and me are scared of looking and showing oneself or looking into someone
But we were sending May Day like praying from ourselves we sank

The rescue signal ringing the side deep in the heart
You are there, come here, don't need to escape
I handed the kiss when I touched the sender
I got it from you

Am I brave?
Believe me, I will take you outside without releasing once I hold your hand
Can I keep my breath until I reach the bright outside of the heart?
We will be together when we breathe again


Have to listen to this song and live happily this month (*^_^*)

Relationships Don't Go Well Sometimes..

It's good enough to keep girls talking as long as there are some sweets and drink. Today, I went to meet my friends from high school. We ordered some sweets and drink bar and talked a lot. Why did I make the meeting this time was one of my friends was gonna leave for Koube in a few days. Even though the originally reason was that, the topic we talked about was about another girl's relationship. She'd been going out with her boyfriend for 5 years, but broke up. The reason was his cheating.

I know that starting of becoming a working member of society is something stressful. But still, his say was so bad. He started becoming close to a girl in his company, and took his stress out on my friend! Maybe the changing of lifestyle was so stressful for him. But he couldn't do anything bad to the other girl since they're not so close yet. He blamed his girlfriend; he said she was bad since she didn't take care of him, and broke up with her. However, he kept visiting the both girl's apartments and stayed there. My friend loved him so much, so she wanted him to be beside her, but she told him to decide which girl. It didn't have to be her, but she just wanted him to make it clear.

Finally, she was about to get depression. She even went to the doctor. She finally decided not to keep in touch with him, and brought his clothes she had in her apartment to his home. She said thank you and bye to him, and told she is getting close to a guy. You know what he said? He said, "so, you're gonna leave me" and then, he hit her with saying "don't care about such a guy!" How dare he said such things! It's really terrible. Guys shouldn't hit girls no matter what. I thought that she was the first one to get married among us, but such a thing happened...I really hope that my friend can find a better one soon :(

Heart Broken (3)

I couldn't forget about my 2nd boyfriend for a while since the reason he left me was kind a thing that I couldn't accept. After a while, I tried to like my 1st boyfriend since he asked me out again. I tried to like him but...couldn't. One good thing was, I really hated my 1st boyfriend after breaking up since I could only remember cruel attitude of him, but when I went out with him next time, he was so caring. He told me he regreted the things he did after breaking up. Now, we two are good friends; he knows almost everything about me, so he knows how I feel if something happens.

After one year and several months later, I got my next boyfriend. He was 2 years younger than me and he looked like he liked me very much...I might be kind a person that can't beat high-pressured selling about boyfriend, lol. Anyway, I started going out with him but the relationship ended in the most horrible way.

To tell the truth, I'm not good at caring for my boyfriend. I'm the one who always make them mad. I don't like altering my opinion, I don't hesitate telling them anything what I think and I even deny them sometimes. I know most guys want to be confident but I can't stop it. Because of that, even though they liked me a lot in the begining, it is me that always left. I don't think they didn't do any bad things, but also sure I wasn't nice too..To be frank, I was left by my boyfriend. He started two-timing me, and I was the loser...

My Favorite Humour

I like stupid things that smart people do. Since they know a lot of things, their humour are much much more interesting than other normal people do. Even just talking to them is enjoyable. They have vocabulary and they sometimes express themselves in the ways we don't use generally. I might be kind a weird person. I don't watch TV so much. One reason for that, is I don't like Japanese variety show programs that are popular in general. I don't think it's fun. For example, there is a program that is on the air on weekdays lunch time. Its name is "笑っていいとも(waratte iitomo)" It seems like people in my workplace like the program because they are always watching it during lunch, but I don't really know what is fun. It looks like they are doing something just suddenly, and most of them look silly. As my opinion, real entertainments are based on consideration. For example, it must be the interval that they dare make what people makes laugh is, but not the interval that happens by chance because of the miss they make. It's hard to explain in English for me, so I want to show something what kind of humour I like.

This ship is made of LEGO. And it took a long time to complete. If you just take a look, it looks great. But it even moves! It might be not so complicated techniques that are used for the ship, but I think that idea is great. If I make that big ship with LEGO, maybe I don't think of making it movable...so, I was very impressed. Who thought of such a stupid unuseful thing? lol. Actually it was made by students of The University of Tokyo; the best university in Japan. It's the fruit of their humour. I don't think they could make this stuff if they were students of a much lower level university..(I'm sorry). Anyway, what I wanted to say was...I love silly things which include humour and intelligence.

Gonna Visit Singapore Next Month!

I booked the trip the other day, and planning where to go now. It's more than a year since I went abroad last time, and I'm so excited visiting there :D Why did I choose the place was since I couldn't get many days off, so it had to be a place that is not so far from here. Then, why not in Japan? It's just because I wanna go somewhere out of Japan. Korea was fine too. But I dare chose Singapore because the fuel surcharge went down. So I thought it was better to go somewhere far during this time. Even though the fuel goes up, the fuel price for Korea won't be as much different as that of for Singapore.

Another reason is, we have friends there. I got a Singaporean friend before, and got close to him via chatting. And my sister and I met him and his family when he visited Japan. We really enjoyed it! To tell the truth, I didn't know about Singapore more than what I learned at school in old days, but I got interested in that country enough to feel I wanna visit :) Actually Singapore has been the country I wanted to visit the most in Asia these days. And the nicest thing is, they told me they would take days off and show us around!! I'm so glad :D~ Hope that the plan goes well. But beforehand, I have to complete making my plans till the days come :P

God Like Hands

Don't you feel good when you're washed your head at hair salons? Of course I do. But it's rare that I get a hair wash in such places since it would cost some money :S I only get it when I dye my hair.

I've read one of my friend's posts on mixi, and she said there, that she always get a hair wash by her bf when they go to a hotel (she is kind a strange person since she writes such a thing). I thought it was nice. Her bf isn't a stylist, just a normal guy. He wasn't good at washing her long hair before, but since he kept doing that, he got better. What if I train mine like that? lol. He would be a shampoo man under exclusive contract to me!! But I wouldn't let him be just it. Have to train him as my good massager since I have stiff shoulders and I'm letting my brother massage my shoulders, legs, feet etc. sometimes. Have to make sure I can get such service in the future too, so I want to get such "god like hands" for me lol. Of course, it won't be free. I'll do it back to him like I'm doing it to my brother as well :P

Heart Broken (2)

I didn't cry after the heart broke. I just started listening to some songs that he recommended to me. It was just a bargaining point that I received his offer when I borrowed the songs from him. I used to go to the same high school he went to, but we haven't been in the same class. Where we got close was in a private school. He was my friend's boyfriend. I used to like to let my friends listen to my favorite songs. So, I let him listen to my favorite songs as well, and borrowed his CDs as well. After a while, I liked an artist group; 19. They were making songs that made me feel calm, and I felt sympathy. I set one of their songs as the ring tone from him, and was restlessly waiting for his emails. However my heart broke, I couldn't change the ring tone for a while.

I got my next boyfriend after I entered Uni next year. He looked cute, and I didn't care about going out with him however I was a little bit taller than him. He was so sweet to me, and I'd never experienced being taken in that sweet way before, since if I remembered about my first boyfriend, usually terrible memories came up. I thought I learnt how to depend upon my boyfriend's benevolence with my second, since I didn't know it when I was with my first. But our relationship didn't last long; we broke up next year. It lasted only for 9 months.

My April

It was a happy story, until I noticed that two of them were labelled as "work".

It's a fresh month...but actually not fresh for me since our lab didn't get any new faces. When the schedule for April came out at the end of March, I thought it looked like I would have a lot of off days. I felt like that because I have two full shifts on Saturday and Sunday respectively, so the days off on the weekdays are just compensatory days off. Plus, I don't have anything scheduled on weekends like before, so the word "work" is sadly standing out on my weekend spaces.

I don't dislike weekend shifts. About Saturdays, our lab usually has half a day off, so it isn't that different compared to weekday shifts. And about Sundays, I stay alone there so I feel easy as long as it's not busy. But this time it's a little bit sad. I would have to miss a drinking meeting with my Uni friends because of it, and I don't have ANY plans on my weekdays off :( I don't say I'm a person who is always free and available, but having a whole day without doing anything is sad. Especially on weekdays, it's absolutely hard to get any friends that are available. For instance, one of my closest friends is a teacher, so she can't get weekdays off. She even told me she would have to schedule her honeymoon during summer vacation or something if she gets married.

Perhaps I feel something is missing because I'm not living a full life now :( "If, if, if.." there are a lot of "if's" when imagining about my full life, but they're not active now. Anyway, it'll be one of the ways I start filling up my red days in my schedule book. Want to make my off days better, although I don't have plans now :P

Heart Broken (1)

Losing the love of your life is painful. Especially the gf or bf, that you've been going out with for a long time leave you. I'm always the girl that can't get anyone that I want. My first relationship was a mutual one; we both liked each other. But that's it. I'd gone out with him for 2.5 years and finally broke up with him. The reason was I couldn't stand him anymore. He used to blame me a lot. He never said sorry, but always found excuses and critisized me. I liked him so much maybe for an year or so, but after that, I was always crying.

One of the memories I can't forget is a new years day. We had a promise to go to a temple together near his house. It's common to go to such places on new years, so we decided to go there. However, when we met at my nearest station and were about to move there, he started saying he wouldn't go. The reason was, he didn't want to meet his friends with me. There supposed to be a lot of his junior highschool friends there, and he started blaming me like, why do you wanna go there, do you want me to show you off, something like that. I didn't understand why he started saying such a thing. I didn't even think of such a thing. So I started crying, and in the end, we didn't go anywhere.

Around that time, I noticed that I started liking another guy that asked me to go out before. My boyfriend's cruel behavior helped my feelings too. When I finally couldn't deny my feelings for the guy, I said good bye to my boyfriend. I knew that the guy didn't like me anymore, but felt that I couldn't go on like this, I had to tell him my feelings. Since I didn't wanna keep the insurance, I broke up with my bf firstly and told my feelings to the guy on the same day.

I have my theory about love. As my mind, if I want to tell someone that I like him, I want to tell it in person. In the evening, I called him and went to a park. It was a cold day as the end of May. We sat on a bench and I told him that I liked him. He told me that he had some theory about love, and asked me if I wanted to hear the answer or not. I was so scared to hear that, but after a while, I told him I wanted to hear and my heart broke at that time. When we were walking back to the station, I said, "please keep being my friend". It was funny since the words were as same as what he said when I rejected his love.

Cherry-blossom Viewing

I had a promise to have a dinner with my Uni friend yesterday. Since it's during Sakura season, we went to Inogashira park to see Sakura flowers. Since it was Saturday and the weather was not bad, there were a lot of people. They spread blue seats and were eating and drinking on them. I saw a lot of foreigners too! I felt it was nice that they were enjoying together :)

After walking around a pond in the park, my friend and me went to an izakaya restaurant to have dinner. We talked a lot about our recent things...job, friend, money, love, etc. She told me that she met her old friend again on mixi, and gonna meet him in person soon. We enjoyed the dinner.

When it passed 10 o'clock, we went to the park again to see cherry-blossom's night view. The park wasn't crowded anymore. And the pond, where were a lot of swan boats in daytime, was silent. The water looked like a mirror and was reflecting lights and flowers. It was so pretty. We saw some couples sitting on the bench beside the pond and enjoying their time. Felt a little bit envy...lol. Anyway, the Sakura flowers were really nice, but there was a sad thing too. At night, we saw a lot of garbage people left around there. The park is not yours, but everyone's. Bringing your garbage at home is of course. You should clean things that you messed up when you leave. I'm sure you will feel uncomfortable if you come to enjoy with friends, but see garage around there. If the situation is too bad, they might not permit you to view cherry-blossom like now anymore in the future because of a few people who don't have morality. Let's keep the park clean and keep enjoying viewing flowers every year :D

Shameless Trip

As I wrote on my last post, the hospital trip was something peaceful for me. But after coming back, I knew there was something ignoble at that time. There are always some people that want to have a spree and let loose at such an event. Of course I like to let loose to some extent, but not that much...especially about boy's and girl's stuff. I heard that a young clerical girl that went with group one, stayed overnight with a doctor who has a wife and children, and other people couldn't enter the room. So, they stayed in other rooms. I feel such a thing is rude and ignoble. However, my senior told me that things like this happened in the past a lot (they were calling it "a shameless trip" lol) How scary!! Perhaps, some workers are so desperate for such things, and there must be some doctors as well who think they can get an one night relationship easily. Actually, I heard there are some nurses fighting over getting married with a doctor. I don't care about such people as long as they don't bother me, but can't deny I have some scornful feeling inside. I don't wanna be like that...I'm kind of a serious person :S

Anyway, there are a lot of people and their thought are various. I don't wanna be a girl that does something that isn't nice. I want to be fair about money and relationships. Hope that I won't get involved in such problems when I go next time :P